Henri Nouwen said this in today's 'thought':
When we are free from the need to judge or condemn, we can become safe places for people to meet in vulnerability and take down the walls that separate them. Being deeply rooted in the love of God, we cannot help but invite people to love one another. When people realise that we have no hidden agendas or unspoken intentions, that we are not trying to gain any profit for ourselves, and that our only desire is for peace and reconciliation, they may find the inner freedom and courage to leave their guns at the door and enter into conversation with their enemies. Many this happens even without our planning. Our ministry of reconciliation most often takes place when we ourselves are least aware of it. Our simple, nonjudgmental presence does it.My question is this:
What happens when this is how we are (and trying to be), but others assume us to have hidden agendas and motives?
These 'others' question our vulnerability and make it into something malicious and self-serving. They do this because they themselves cannot imagine another reason for being
real. But this affects us. It challenges us and hurts. They assume all kinds of lies and even sometimes spread those untruths before ever having a discussion with us.
What do you do then?
How do you help them see that you're simply
being? Fighting your way through life alongside them.
How do I go on without being hurt and stunted in my wanting to offer myself for nothing in return
when others misjudge and think that I in fact DO want something,
and that wanting is the only reason I am the way I am?Which in essence is questioning my whole character.
My integrity.
My self. Why would someone ever assume the worst? Every time?
What do I do then?
How do I love them? Which is all I really want to do.
How can I be a
safe place when people won't allow it?
I understand that I'm somehow contributing to this... but I've yet to figure it out. I've been told, numerous times,
after the accusation, that they now 'see my heart and intentions and realize that I never was malicious and truly only wanted reconciliation'.
But if that is always seen
after they accuse, how do we ever get there? How do I change myself even more so that they see my heart from the beginning?
Or is that impossible?
Because we always see with our own eyes. And if all their eyes have ever let them see is hurt, and pride, and wrong intentions, that's what they'll see before they spend more time and learn my heart as I learn theirs.
What a vicious reality.
How do we arrive at a place of non-judgment?
How do we accept people from the moment we meet them for what they are, human, and grow from there together?
How do we get out of ourselves for a moment and let people in and trust that the part of them that wants to let people in will not abuse that trust?I'm still learning.
I praise God that He has grace over me. And I ask that you would too.
love
k
